Big Doings on the Road

Well, the wonderful week of clear and warmish weather has passed. And in proper fashion too, with a snow storm. Well, first there was rain, and then dropping temperatures brought snow. And wind. Can't forget that. As winter storms go, this one wasn't terrible. Driving in a snow/rain mix sucks, and some(most) people refuse to slow down. Still, I didn't see any accidents on the highway on the way out, and only one in town.

The way back, that was worse. The snow had fallen, temps dropped and it had begun to stick.. More was coming. The plows were out. I dropped my speed to around 40-50 when I came through a heavy band that was about 50 miles across. Even the Truck drivers were going slow in places. I was following a convoy that was at least eight trucks long at one point.

A few of the fools who didn't slow down ended up turned around, flipped over and in the ditch. At one point in the night I could see a car up about a half-mile ahead of me flashing bright yellow lights on the roof. Turned out to be a cop car who was looking for one of those fools who didn't have the sense to lighten up on the gas.

So, Thursday night was long. But the weather was only part of it.

Now onto griping about people.

Every month Cycle is delivered to the facilities. That is all of the medications needed for each of the patients for the entire month. For some of the facilities, this means a truck full of medications all in their little bubble cards. This leads to some problems, as the pharmacy might run out of a specific drug – so whatever was missed has to go over the next few days.

Wednesday was cycle. Thursday, the day of the storm was catching up and filling in the gaps. Guess which was more annoying?

One faculty member has the job of going over the medication delivery. Cycle as a whole is to be taken directly to that member's office during the day hours when that member is working. Cycle largely went smoothly. We had to change offices because the Nurse on hand didn't have a key to the elevator and she didn't want me to haul the endless totes downstairs by hand. Doing so wouldn't have bothered me, I was on the clock and I was willing to get the exercise.

Cycle+1. 20 more individual packages, plus several more cases. The little Aveo I drive across state through the storms was packed full. Cycle Proper is delivered to the office. After Cycle things change. At night all of the packages for that administrator are to be brought to another building, one that is directly across the parking lot. Easy enough, I've done it before, and know what to do. Take it in and give it to the med passer and she signs off on it and saves it for said administrator.

Problem. She was indignant at being responsible for the Administrator's packages. Why should she have to do this? She asked. The administrator is in another building completely. I shrug my shoulders – Delivery Monkey knows not the answers. Delivery Monkey follows instructions. Instructions are, deliver large pile of packages here and a have staff sign paperwork and stash them away for administrator. Delivery Monkey thanks you and leaves, basking in a job well done.

Bing, bang boom. Just like they were last night, and the night before. Staff grabs the poor counterpart who works in the Administrator's building, and sees about having him sign for the packages. No dice – he ain't allowed. Rules is rules and all that guv. I get frustrated, she's 'sposed to sign, she won't sign. I call our rep/salesman/troubleshooter – as these are my instructions for when I run into snags, figuring that he could bludgeon this through.

He calls administrator. She calls the building and talks to staff. Staff then hands the phone to me and I am informed something along the lines of 'it is very easy, why are you making it difficult?'

Right. Why am I at all. I'm such a dick.

Papers are signed. Offerings of a pleasant evening are given. I leave the facility and stew about being bitched out for someone else's douchery. Administrator will be woven into the Pharmacy novel – someway or somehow.

Encounter 2.

The facility seems to have cut down on staff. Their medication passers – not nurses, just college aged kids whom they hire to pop pills and give them to the patients – now seem to divide their time between multiple halls. Said staff are sometimes difficult to locate and waiting is often involved as they finish up tasks and are summoned by the orderly on site.

As I was awaiting the arrival of the staff one of the residents approached my little corner. He was chattering a little in a friendly manner.

Then the staff member arrived. Resident in question declares that he knew that the med passer would be along. Which led to the revelation, that he had psychic powers. I was willing the staff to hurry up and get his checks done and sign off on the delivery.

If nothing else this dude looked the part. Now, after years of watching movies, reading books and comics, I have been presented with a definite idea of what a mutant with psychic powers should look like. If Hollywood were casting him in a movie, he'd be a dead-shot for Psionic Wasteland Hobo. Or perhaps an oldtimey prospector long living in the mountains away from civilization. A man who has been used hard by life.

Then he started talking more, about said powers. I think. I didn't catch everything he said. There were several layers of conversations about the room and the radio was on. But he was talking about being pyschic, which then morphed somehow into him telling me about a space microbe that was scooped up by a satellite and returned to earth. The microbe made an entire town disappear. Was it a conspiracy theory or a vision of the future? I've met some folks who believe in conspiracy theories on that campus.

But I'm not sure. What I do know is that he was talking about the plot to the movie the Andromeda strain. Maybe that was the conspiracy, it actually happened and the government covered it up. Or maybe he just switched gears and decided to tell me about his favorite movie. I merely agreed with him that it was a good movie and held off until my transaction was finished and I could finally show my back to that place.

I'm told that I need to make ten goals for myself for the job. Goal three through ten are all Not get myself killed by those various means so casually available to me. Seven involves brain melting by psychic hobos.

Hercules Two: Clamation Boogaloo.

Adventures of Hercules
Lou Ferrigino

They made a sequel? Sweet Zombie Jesus, you have to be
kidding? Did they even watch the first movie before they slammed
down their cash to make the second? I thought not. Well
It's been two whole months, and then some, since I finished the Lou
Ferrigno Hercules movie. It took that long for the effects to
wear off and for me to recover from the shock. Unlike the first
movie, I managed to watch the entire thing without using the fast
forward button once. Like the first one, I had to turn the beast
off for a day and come back to it. It made my brain hurt.

Where to start. Well this movie seems to have been made by the
exact same people in the exact same style as the last. Same
cheesy 'special effects', same crap-tastic costuming, hell it even had
the same actors and the same freaking villain! I kid thee not,
the same actor playing the same villain. They resurrected the bad
guy, because he was oh so tough, you know with all the dieing he
managed to do in the end, and they used him again. Yeah, be
afraid Herc, be very afraid.

That's right. They resurrected King Minos, the evil user of
science, to fight against the power of the vaguely benevolent Gods and
the natural order of the universe. Was this movie funded by the
Roman Catholic church? I mean really, evil science? Science
the cause of chaos? In the end Minos didn't get any wicked ass
gizmos in which to battle the other bad guys with, he gets magic eye
beams, and a magic flaming sword. Make up your minds damn
it. is he supposed to be using a kick ass orbital death-ray
launched by the evil United States, or is he using the evil black
magic, invented by the United States? One or the other please.

Well the second movie actually seems to follow a plot that is at times
nearly makes sense. Well the story goes that Zeus' six magic
thunderbolts of something or other were stolen by some rebellious
goddesses led by Hera. These disaffected Hippies, thought to
gain, I'm not quite sure why they did it, but they did it anyway.
Well, yeah that's great, the thunderbolts are missing, the world is in
danger, send the Hercster to the rescue!

Well first of all, before all that started, some evil priests were
sacrificing a scantily clad babe to some god or demon of fire.
Two other scantily clad babes watch the goings on, and decide that they
don't like what they see, so they go for help. They consult a
pair psychedelic butterfly women, who tell them they need the help of
Hercules, and they'll find him in the forbidden valley. Just a
note, there's always a forbidden valley it seems in fantasy movies, and
the valley is forbidden for a very good reason. People in these
movies never seem to remember this fact.

Well The Herc gets to earth. The first thing he runs into is a
creature that I suppose is a werewolf, only it looks more like a
Greying cousin It from the Adams family, who happens to be wearing a
cheap baboon mask, with some dog-like sound effects added on top.
I'm not making this up, nor do I wish I were capable of making
something like this up. Brain Damage! Sadly the rest of the
movie doesn't get any better.

Once again to the so called special effects. The costumes are
cheap, both for the main human characters and for the monsters that
they fight. Some of the monsters use animation techniques.
Not that fancy-schmancy computer stuff, but the old fashioned
way. So old fashioned it seems, that they felt that they were
making it up as they went along. The stop-motion claymation that
they made use of, was out-done by such 1950s and 1960s fare as the
Sinbad films and Jason and the Argonots, not to mention Clash of the
Titians. No, it seemed more like a bad Gumby short at
times. The rest of the animation was just simplistic color,
bright primary hues mostly. Flat and boring.

Oh, I can't forget my favorite part of the movie, the Amazons fight
scene. Chicks with guns kick ass. It is a proven
fact. Much ass is kicked by chicks with guns. I cannot
reiterate this enough. Imagine my surprise and delight when the
Amazons were about to attack. And then disappointment when I
discovered it was just a bunch of men in drag. That's right kids,
rather than getting real amazon like women, they just dressed men up in
drag, gave them fake breasts and everything, and then dubbed it all
over with womens voices. No wonder the Amazons lost, not only
were they poseurs, they were also a group of confused young men.

Then there were the absolutely confusing aspects of the movie.
Zeus, at one point, confronts his arch nemesis chaos. I shall now
recreate the scene for you...

Chaos-chick: We're a lot alike you know, we balance things
between us?

Zeus: Oh yeah? Well poopy head, I gots me the time on my
side baby!

*A giant animated skull comes down and zaps her with a death-ray*

Zeus: Eat it clown!

I don't get it either. It seemed random, like it was added simply
for the chance to let their effects crew draw a giant skull and then
have it attack someone. The entire movie was like that. It
also went along with the first flick in it's blatant attempts to
butcher the original classical mythology. Though at least this time
there weren't any giant robots to fight against. The movie did
make a fair attempt at destroying my sanity and giving me epileptic
seizures. Why did I pay money for this crap?

The worst part is, I have failed to learn my lesson and keep watching crappy movies.

Meeting Crazy Number 2 - Electric Boogaloo!

So, more in the realm of both driving the manual, and meeting the crazies. I'm an office monkey by trade, I was hired to pick up the slack where needed. That is my job, deliver mail, run to the bank, pick up office supplies, clean the office, data entry. Whatever task doesn't have a specific position to cover it, I get to do it. Fine, it keeps my day a bit varied and a little free. And thus a little more interesting.

Thus, when called, I get to step in for our delivery driver, head across the state and drop off some supplies at a facility that the company services. (or even drop off supplies in town)

All the patients in the facility are victims of car accidents and have, among other things, suffered head trauma and brain damage. Some of the residents are a bit on the crazy side. Most have been rather friendly. The sister says that the most depressing instructions she's ever read involved a cream that stated 'apply to stumps'. That's the kind of place I get to visit. I'm much more careful around cars these days, whether it's driving or just crossing the street. After dealing with people who are no longer what they were, I don't want to end up the same way.

And please don't bring up the one-eyed man who doesn't like to wear his glass eye or eye-patch.

I must say that I am spoiled. My aged Lumina has cruise control. Cruise control is nice on long car trips, you set it and the car stays at a constant speed, going up or down hills. I was rather disappointed and surprised when I hit the cruise button in the company car and nothing happened. Even after I pressed it five more times. Hey, it could have just been a short, we don't exactly have a top of the line luxury car. Nope, no luck there. I discovered the next morning that there's a master switch on the steering-wheel I didn't know about that turns the cruise control on and off. Once again my ignorance has defeated me

I was in for an evening of cramped muscles and watching the odometer. Huzzah!

The night was a little longer, and the drive a bit shorter for the lack of Cruise Control. Usually I try and keep within about five miles of the speed limit either way. For that trip? I tried to keep it under 80. It's a funny psychological glitch that drives people to join the herd. Countless times during those four hours on the road I found myself unconsciously accelerating as another car passed me by, or sped up on my tail. These pressures are a bit easier to ignore when the car runs itself. Instead, I have to confront my sheepish tendencies. Bahh ha ha ha!

Somewhere around 2 or 2.5 hours and one cramped leg later, I made it to the facility. Didn't get lost, or turned around this time. Only took three trips to memorize the path.

On the way back to the car I was accosted by a man taking a smoke break. Judging by the sound of his voice, he probably smokes at least five packs a day, and has done so since he was five. On the odd days, he takes a bottle brush to his throat, just for that little extra touch. Anyhow, he called me Hippie. To which I can only respond "That sounds like me!" The long hair and all you know. Well, what followed was a five minute lecture on the evils of the Johnson and Johnson Corporation. It appears that J&J have started putting all sorts of nasty additives into their products - Battery Acid being one of them - all in order to create "Male Pattern Baldness", since it didn't exist before the J&J company was formed.

Tell that to the bald whore-monger Julius Caesar. (He suffered from Pattern Baldness, for those of you my two readers, who don't get the reference) Et Tu Juilui?

Why would they do this? You ask. This big corporation Well J&J make Rogaine, and they have to pimp it somehow. So if the tobacco industry is focusing on making cigarettes safer and more addictive, then why the hell not? Listed on the ingredients for my bottle of shampoo are several chemicals whose names I can't pronounce - except for the word acid - I ain't a chemist, for all I know they stand for dirt and the life blood of a virgin.

So, I was introduced to a new conspiracy theory. Sweet. I love conspiracy theories, the crazier the better, they're fun. He also told me what kind of shampoo to buy. I didn't catch the name, sorry, but it's expensive and comes in liter bottles. So, go forth and buy random expensive shampoos so that your hair doesn't melt. You heard it here first.

After this encounter, I've decided to wear my kilt more often. That way I don't get called Hippie, or if I happen to grow a beard, Jesus. With a Kilt, long hair, and maybe the beard - I'll be a highlander. I might have to carry a sword too. But the fashion-folks always say to accessorize properly. And maybe the crazies will avoid a dude packing a broadsword(my skinny ass would just look comical hauling about a claymore)

Some 12 hours later, I was called on to make a local delivery. It was to an older gentleman who was hooked up to his oxygen tank. Now - I commend him in choosing freedom and comfort. Pants are confining and uncomfortable. But good sir, since you've gotten rid of pants for those very reasons(so I am assuming, since I didn't bring the topic up in conversation) would it not be better to have switched to boxers. Or maybe a kilt. I'm sure there must be some black folk in Scotland by now, you could swing it.

***(Please don't swing it, at least while I'm around)***

So, am I building up Karma for something really good? Or working off something really bad?