Many of my friends
seem to live to see their favorite bands in concert. I suppose that
the statement “I don't care for live music.” will make me an
apostate. But, there you go. Attending concerts isn't something I'm
passionate about. I don't like the noise. I tend to avoid them.
Who wants to pay to be uncomfortable?
Oh wait, that's the
basis of BDSM.
There are few
musical acts whom can compel me to adhere to their schedule. Why
bother, when I can just listen to about any song I want in the
comfort of my home whenever I like. Thanks The Internet! You are a
true pal to an introverted hermit with a moderate love of music.
I do however love
spectacle. Not a novel statement, or very deep, I know. “I enjoy
new experiences” ranks up there with “I love Pizza!” on the
scale of surprising things that one can announce. It sits exactly
directly opposite from “I'm pregnant” or “Sara Palin's IQ test
is through the roof!”.
When it comes down
to a show I enjoy costumes and other goofiness. This is what has
dragged me to Rennfaires, Comic Cons and to the Opera Carmen(Did I
write about that? It happened last year and was a fantastic ife
experience).
My friend and
co-worker pitched the idea that a unique band was going to be in
town and that the tickets were to be had on the cheap. A band that I
had heard of, but knew next to nothing about. One that has been
touring for around 30 years. Would I like to go?
So that's how I
found myself talked into shelling out an $A.J. to go and see Gwar.
Have you ever heard
of Gwar? Well, In case you're shaking your head in confused silence
at your monitor, here's a rundown. They were formed in the mid to
late 80s as a thrash metal band in the state of Virginia. Their
backstory, and yes they are a band with a backstory, is that they
were a band of intergalactic warriors that got frozen in a glacier
here on Earth. After being thawed out, they were introduced to a
wide array of human vices. Drugs, sex and Rock and Roll! You know,
the good stuff in life(Ha! As if I would know!).
In short, they all
wear elaborate costumes and portray monsters. That is their shtick.
As such, the band has had a rolling line-up over the decades(almost
said years) of their existence. Much like the Blue Man Group, any
member can leave and the character will live on. The exception being
when an active cast member dies, then they retire the character.
Take a look at this – yeah, some of the characters have been played
by a half dozen different people.
I'd love to see that
happen with boybands. When Corey the Bad Boy archtype kicks it, or
goes to prison for diddling an underaged boy, the producers just
chuck out one of their spare Corey clones.
Prior to one evening
last week, I don't believe that I had ever listened to one of their
songs. I was aware that they were a metal band from the 80s. I was
aware that they wore costumes in their performances. That was all.
I didn't bother to look them up on youtube. Who wants to spoil the
surprise?
The music wasn't why
I went. I went because they were said to put on a bizarre, one of a
kind show. They did not disappoint. The music was secondary
anyways. We found a nice spot at the back of the venue. Nice being
relative. The seats were moderately comfortable and it was out of the
way. Mostly we sat around as the opening acts played, and waited for
the main event.
I didn't catch the
name of the first band, they were already in play when I arrived.
They played a mix of metal and punk. Not bad. There was a banner
behind them that read Battlecross. I wondered if they were
Battlecross or if they had just stolen the banner. I was wrong on
both accounts. Which makes the rest of the night that much less
interesting.
Battlecross was a
mid-level local band. By that, I mean they had some success as a
band, but weren't the main act. And they were actually from the
region of the country in which I reside. They seemed to have 4
guitarists, one of whom reminded us of Toki Wartooth. All I can say
about the group is their lead singer was hella-entertaining. I
almost bought one of their albums on the strength of his banter
alone. But I'm a cheapskate, so I checked that impulse.
Onto the main show.
Gwar for me,
epitomized both the best and worst that live shows have to offer.
First, they were loud. Really loud. They were playing in a small
venue, maybe a couple thousand square feet at most, for a couple
hundred people. Despite that, they had their amplifiers turned up to
11. Have you ever sat through a wave of noise so powerful that it
seemed to tug at your hair? How about having it make your insides
vibrate? That was Gwar.
I hate that. HATE.
They say “If the Music is too loud, then you're too old.” Well
I'm too old. So I made use of a pair of earplugs to try and protect
what remains of my hearing. What the hell is the point in paying to
go to a concert to listen to music that you won't even be able to
hear? That is fekking insane.
Ok. So I didn't get
too much from the music. That's not where Gwar excels anyhow. The
rest of the performance is where they rock. The dialogue and skits
that they perform in between songs. For me, the songs are just
filler and segways between the real meat of the show. They were
crude and sophomoric and intentionally offensive, and we all loved
it.
No spoilers here(if
you want those, google them). My aforementioned friend has been
going to rock concerts for 30 years now, and he declared that not
once ever has he experienced the like. I will close out with this –
if you have the chance – Go See Gwar.
Oh, and wear clothes that you don't mind getting ruined. The Spew goes everywhere.
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